The house is dark and I should be asleep. I’ve been frozen with anxiety for a few hours now. I have a million things to do and I am unable to do any. I reached out to friends and shared in some conversation/distraction and then I did a quick search online for some birth affirmations.
The affirmations are polished, printable, and static. I need something more interactive so my search takes me to coloring pages. These new search results cause more discomfort. Many of the images are blunt and, while meaningful, detailed. I need words. I need to focus on the letters, the phrases, the meditation of it.
Because my quick and hasty search did not yield the results I wanted – birth affirmation coloring pages that were simple, font or design based, and busy enough to keep me distracted – I sat at my computer in the dark evening, with the quiet sound of sci fi in the background and created a couple of my own.
The clock moved closer to midnight and I heard the stir of my toddler in the next room. He’d been asleep for a few hours now and the pain of teething was rousing him. I watched him on the monitor and hoped that he would settle in on his own, he didn’t.
I quickly save my work and pop into his room to his cries for “mooooooommmmeeeee!” and offer comfort. He needs a hug and to be tucked back in. His mouth is hurting him but he’s not awake enough to offer or administer medication. I lay with him for a few moments while he falls back to sleep. As I lay there I remember all the tasks I set out to do tonight, and didnt. I wonder how I will manage these little ‘wake up’ s once there is also a baby to keep track of. I consider that I should go to bed myself and toss & turn there despite how painful that is.
My toddler is asleep and the baby kicks me from inside. I slip out of the bedroom and back into the house. I take my medications, a tall glass of water, and I putter around trying to gather myself before heading to bed.
I’m going to feel the stress of this unproductive night in the morning… but I’ll also have a few colouring pages to keep me occupied when I find myself unable to sleep tomorrow night.
Feel free to click to download and print
My Texas Life 