I stood in the dark house in the early part of the night swaying back and forth and intermittently bouncing and patting. "Shhh, shhh " I whispered "it's okay" But it didn't feel okay. Today was anything but okay. I'm holding back tears as I comfort my baby in the dark of the house, fearful he would wake up the toddler and what that could lead to. I begged my baby to relax his tense body. I wondered what was wrong and why he was so unsettled.
I am absolutely grateful for every symptom, every run to the washroom, every nauseating car ride, every headache, every uneaten meal, and every medication I must take to get them here. I am grateful that despite how long the road has been so far, that the real journey is just beginning.
Among my mom friends we often find ourselves uttering the phrase "little people with big emotions". It seems to be not only a term of solidarity but a gentle reminder that the tantrums we find ourselves navigating with our little ones are the result of a barrier in communication. Imagining yourself in a world where not only do you not know what you are feeling but you also can't tell anyone what you are feeling or ask for help. Those strong emotions ultimately manifest in physical actions, and then we as parents get frustrated because those actions are almost always undesired behaviors. So what can we do?
I sat on the floor and I cried. My two year old hugged me an patted me on the cheek. He did this mere moments after throwing his plate on the floor screaming "NO" and yelling at the top of his lungs. I cried because I was failing him. I cried because he deserves patience and empathy and understanding and I had significantly less than he demanded of me that day.
We announced our second little one in early March. I used a program called RPG maker to create a 'game'' that revealed our good news at the end of a scripted sequence. Knowing that the vast majority of people would not take the time to 'play' the game, I recorded myself going through the game using a program called xsplit (local recording feature that saves the raw footage right to my computer). The 'game' was still quite long and I did as much editing as I thought I could get away with, but still it was a bit longer than I would have liked. We were sure to include our son Trent as the main character and it worked out just right.
Last year I decided I would attempt to take a photo every day during 2017. I didn't quite get there but I did end up with SO MANY great memories captured. Not gunna lie, most of the photos are of my son, but to say he has been one of the biggest factors in our… Continue reading 365 Project 2017
The day has arrived, a new carrier was delivered; it’s fluff mail! Excitedly you open your package and remark at the beauty of your new carrier. This wonderful and beautiful tool that will help you and your baby achieve and bond. You pour over the directions and care instructions and possibly give your carrier (wrap) a wash, an iron, and give it spin....
As my sweet, happy, little man is growing and learning so very much every day he has become the epitome of a little guy with big emotions. We experienced our first full on tantrum recently stemming from frustration. Two things occurred to me as I sat with my screaming son - identifying his emotions verbally… Continue reading Pintrest Mom – Tools for Tantrums
This weekend my son turned one. This milestone is both exciting and bittersweet. My sweet sweet little baby is becoming a little boy and we, as parents, survived our first year in parenthood. I am flooded with emotions of pride, of aleviation, and also sadness. The days are long but the years are short. Time… Continue reading My Son is One
My son has a new game before bed as the sun sets behind the house. He plays in the sun spots and I stealthily try to snap a few pictures. Today I think we both won.