I stood in the dark house in the early part of the night swaying back and forth and intermittently bouncing and patting. "Shhh, shhh " I whispered "it's okay" But it didn't feel okay. Today was anything but okay. I'm holding back tears as I comfort my baby in the dark of the house, fearful he would wake up the toddler and what that could lead to. I begged my baby to relax his tense body. I wondered what was wrong and why he was so unsettled.
The house is dark and I should be asleep. I've been frozen with anxiety for a few hours now. I have a million things to do and I am unable to do any. I reached out to friends and shared in some conversation/distraction and then I did a quick search online for some birth affirmations. The affirmations are polished, printable, and static. I need something more interactive so my search takes me to coloring pages. These new search results cause more discomfort. Many of the images are blunt and, while meaningful, detailed. I need words. I need to focus on the letters, the phrases, the meditation of it.
I sat on the floor and I cried. My two year old hugged me an patted me on the cheek. He did this mere moments after throwing his plate on the floor screaming "NO" and yelling at the top of his lungs. I cried because I was failing him. I cried because he deserves patience and empathy and understanding and I had significantly less than he demanded of me that day.
The day has arrived, a new carrier was delivered; it’s fluff mail! Excitedly you open your package and remark at the beauty of your new carrier. This wonderful and beautiful tool that will help you and your baby achieve and bond. You pour over the directions and care instructions and possibly give your carrier (wrap) a wash, an iron, and give it spin....
This one is going to take me a while. With a 15 month old at home, holidays ahead, and work to do, there are just not enough hours in the day. Progress however, is happening. "Sagma arrived in typical fashion, she was well dressed, her hair pulled back. She wore a deep purple scarf about… Continue reading NanoWriMooooo….Year.
This weekend my son turned one. This milestone is both exciting and bittersweet. My sweet sweet little baby is becoming a little boy and we, as parents, survived our first year in parenthood. I am flooded with emotions of pride, of aleviation, and also sadness. The days are long but the years are short. Time… Continue reading My Son is One
My son has a new game before bed as the sun sets behind the house. He plays in the sun spots and I stealthily try to snap a few pictures. Today I think we both won.
Trying to work while the child naps. Trying to get the child to nap so you can work. Scheduling work, playdates, and life, trying to build or maintain friendships. Wishing there were more hours in the day, trying to pay attention so you don't miss his first steps or first anything, working until midnight or… Continue reading Mom LYFE
There's a poem, or life lesson, or "inspirational" thingy floating around the internet about cherishing the moments with your children because you never know when it might be 'the last'. It's super depressing to read through and I'm pretty sure it's just designed to make hormonal mommas cry BUT it got me to thinking about my own moments that have ended.
Finding balance, juggling a new life, trying to find my way; these are all ways I could describe what really is just 'trying to find what works'. I often tell people I am hodge-podging together an income but in reality it feels a little more like throwing spaghetti at the wall and waiting to see what sticks.