I stood in the dark house in the early part of the night swaying back and forth and intermittently bouncing and patting. "Shhh, shhh " I whispered "it's okay" But it didn't feel okay. Today was anything but okay. I'm holding back tears as I comfort my baby in the dark of the house, fearful he would wake up the toddler and what that could lead to. I begged my baby to relax his tense body. I wondered what was wrong and why he was so unsettled.
I am absolutely grateful for every symptom, every run to the washroom, every nauseating car ride, every headache, every uneaten meal, and every medication I must take to get them here. I am grateful that despite how long the road has been so far, that the real journey is just beginning.
I sat on the floor and I cried. My two year old hugged me an patted me on the cheek. He did this mere moments after throwing his plate on the floor screaming "NO" and yelling at the top of his lungs. I cried because I was failing him. I cried because he deserves patience and empathy and understanding and I had significantly less than he demanded of me that day.
We announced our second little one in early March. I used a program called RPG maker to create a 'game'' that revealed our good news at the end of a scripted sequence. Knowing that the vast majority of people would not take the time to 'play' the game, I recorded myself going through the game using a program called xsplit (local recording feature that saves the raw footage right to my computer). The 'game' was still quite long and I did as much editing as I thought I could get away with, but still it was a bit longer than I would have liked. We were sure to include our son Trent as the main character and it worked out just right.
Okay, let's be real about this momfit thing. There are a thousand and one articles out there about how to be a healthy and fit parent. Lots of information that you will either find encouraging or quite discouraging. I'm not here to discourage though, I'm solely here to say: this is hard. Self care is… Continue reading Walking with Soul
This weekend my son turned one. This milestone is both exciting and bittersweet. My sweet sweet little baby is becoming a little boy and we, as parents, survived our first year in parenthood. I am flooded with emotions of pride, of aleviation, and also sadness. The days are long but the years are short. Time… Continue reading My Son is One
No Easy Steps Sometimes life takes some unexpected turns. You work and prepare for something and then a curve ball happens and things aren't what you thought they would be. This seems to be the case a lot with us. From first meeting, to getting married, to immigration, to wedding, and relocation, we always seem… Continue reading Moving: The Good, The Bad, and The Other
My Texas Life 